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Homeless.

I got to come home (not really anymore but it still feels that way) for one day only this week. It has been bittersweet.

I got to go out with the ORIGINAL Fantastic Four so that was wonderful. I miss them. I miss here.

Brittney and me sat up all night talking about last summer. How we remember it as the best summer of our lives even though when we were living it it was kinda tough. I think we got each other through it.

I have to go back to New York tonight. Gross.

I am pretty surprised by my reaction to New York. I kinda thought I would love it. Maybe it’s just the circumstances that kill it for me. Whenever I am there, I’m two things: Away from home/friends/Tim and at work. Not a great combination. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job – I am just having a hard time being away from everything. And I’m alone there a lot which is never good for me. The girls I live with in NYC are wonderful and amazing and I love them, but that doesn’t make it home.

California is giving me mixed reactions. On the one hand, Tim is there. The weather is beautiful, not to mention the scenery. It feels like I am in a screensaver out there. The food is great and we live right outside one of the coolest cities in the United States: San Francisco. But I’m struggling. I feel alone there. I feel like Tim and I will never make friends and if we do they won’t be like our Atlanta friends. I guess I just need to look forward. I know that this was a good decision for Tim’s career and I can work from anywhere but I am feeling pretty guilty about some of my emotions regarding the move. I feel like Tim has so much opportunity there and is excited about his job and I was left out of that decision. Even though I KNOW that was not the case. That’s why it makes my feel so guilty to even have thoughts like that. Like I don’t like it there or I’m afraid it was a mistake. Because I love Tim and I trust him to make decisions that are best for both of us. I know that is what he has done. I know it will get better and we will settle in and make friends and soon enough I will love our life there. I just…don’t. Yet.

And it is REALLY hard to split my time between coasts. Especially when one of those coasts has Tim and I am on the complete wrong end of the other. I have GOT to get out of New York.

So Atlanta isn’t home anymore. And New York definitely isn’t home. But California doesn’t really feel like home either.

Oh, God. I’m a drifter.

Oh look! Another long, incoherent stream-of-consciousness post! It’s been a while!

You’re welcome.

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About katetatumbailey

I am a flygirl raised in ATL, living in SFO, and working out of NYC. Follow me twitter.com/kattatum

2 responses »

  1. Check out this blog…http://girlswriteout.blogspot.com/2011/06/hey-girls-were-digging-those-roots.html
    You are now a child of the world–wherever you hang your hat is your home!! We love you and you can be at home here whenever you like!!!

    Reply
  2. Oh kate, I’m so sorry we didn’t meet earlier! That you’ve had to live a year in California (at least part of the time) and not feel at home makes me sad. Well lady, you’ve met a native cali girl and I won’t leave you alone now 😉

    Reply

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